we're at the top of the world, you and I

It's a strange little life. And it's stranger all the more, that with all the privilege, the thankless graces showered upon, that days of relative ease, bountifulness, health and whimsical, mindless indulgences and luxuries, that it all blurs into a tepid ether that quietly seeps into dilated veins.

The struggle, I suppose, is the point. Slowly building momentum and mindfulness that's so easily unraveled and undone. Keeping at it. Persistence, discipline, the courage of convictions.

I try to resist it, in small ways, to keep the whirring of complex corporate machinery at an arms length. To make it a mindless routine, to keep some hunger to try and eke out mindfulness for meaning, and fullness, and meaningfulness.

I have five pairs of shoes, one for every day of the work week. A Monday pair, a Tuesday pair, and such. I have five shirts, with pants and a tie to match. I'm a little more of a maverick when it comes to deciding which pullover to pull over.

Trying to think through the clunkiness of work, and the dreary non-meaning parts of life like medical aid, and a credit record, and waterproofing floors, and pretending to be able to distinguish between the quality of sounds made by different headphones reminds me of my earlier varsity days as a then, would-be-accountant. Trying, incredibly hard to read and understand and learn and comprehend a ridiculous over-inflated utterly pointless piece of data. "If an asset is acquired in exchange for another asset (whether similar or dissimilar in nature), the cost will be measured at the fair value unless (a) the exchange transaction lacks commercial substance or (b) the fair value of neither the asset received nor the asset given up is reliably measurable. If the acquired item is not measured at fair value, its cost is measured at the carrying amount of the asset given up. "

Eyes flitting awkwardly over the words, like a reluctant strangler coming back to look for a lost watch. Mouthing the paragraph, reading it out loud. Utterly failing to understand or absorb it. Trying again, slowly, to read, to understand a sentence. A phrase. A word even. Please

(The accounting exam the paragraph above applied to, I studied more than 3 weeks / 80 hours for, and scored less than 40%)

Mucky headed, the best I can do is devour a sickly sweet cup of tea, tuck myself into bed early, and melt into Discworld, thank you, Terry.