Apart from swearing, sarcasm, chronic procrastination, being follicley unpresentable1, and having the fashion sense of a damp2 rag, the only other major reason I get into trouble at work is around my prickly issue of ambition and goals, and my utter lack thereof. For two reasons:
- I treat my job like a job3, and apart from having a comfortable and only mildly stressful environment, I don't really mind/am indifferent to what I'm being asked/told to do.
- I don't have any career plans further than lunch.
Which doesn't go down well, because it looks lethargic and lacking grit and determination even though I'm an intelligent4 boy. Making "growth" and a "career path" only something which can happen retrospectively (if indeed at all) rather than looking ahead.
For a while, and still now to some extent I suppose, I feel a little embarrassed about it. Because people around me have lives to live, and things to work for and towards, and I simply plod5.
And while the plodding is instinctive, I think I'm working out why it feels right for me. Goals and goal-setting are remarkable exercises to undertake, and are very responsible for making extraordinary things happen. But ethos and ethos-setting can be, if not as easily to ceremonise6, also quite more-than-ordinary.
In the last 9 years of my life, switching degrees a handful of times, making career decisions more than that, and generally having a fluid time making and discovering lifes paths and the briar bushes of its decisions, I've learnt that it's okay not to know. And I really don't know, and it apart from social shyness, it doesn't worry me. While goals have shifted, and changed, and sometimes altogether disappeared, the ethos of being and doing hasn't. Getting stuck in, be kinder than you need to be, learn hard and try to teach and share as much as possible. All these things have been more important to me, than reaching the tenuous goal of being employed.
Life isn't meant to take you where you want to go, and you definitely you wont do or become the things you expect to (there are obvious exceptions to this, but lets pretend they don't exist). While I generally exist in a delusional bubble of distraction, and abstraction, I think that's okay.
- My beard. Eish.
- But practical
- Revolutionary concept. Wait till you read the book.
- Above average anyway
- Like the policeman in Noddy
- Throwing a party for, etc.